The Birds, The Bees, and the Anxieties
by Anaghia-san
Summary: Every parent dreads it, but it manages to sneak up on them nevertheless: the "sex talk". After Sealand walks in on Sweden and Finland being intimate, the two Nordics feel it's time to have the all-important discussion… somehow. Oneshot SuFin family story, plus other implied pairings. Rated T just in case.


**A/N: Hello, my pretties! I know I should be working on ****_Coffee and Communication (or Lack Thereof)_****, but I couldn't resist writing up this short story, especially since I'm not one to do oneshots! (I love reading them but I've never been able to write them DX)**

**FYI (just to clear things up): If anyone's wondering about Sealand's age, I figured it to be around 10 years old, or whatever age it is that kids start asking about sex.**

**Also, for the most part, the nations refer to each other by their human names, even though the narration uses country names.**

**Rated T for implied sexual situations (it will make my fellow fangirls and fanboys happy, I hope :) )**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or any of its characters! *tear-tear, cry-cry* Enjoy!**

* * *

It was another night at the Oxernstierna-Väinämöinen household. After his parents had said goodnight, Sealand laid in his bed, staring at the ceiling with his toy robot in hand. It was about ten-thirty, but the young micronation still was not tired. He lifted his robot above him, remembering that he was going to see Latvia tomorrow. His sleeves rolled down his arms, causing him to notice that he'd written something on his left arm. Even though Papa Sweden admonished him for writing on his skin, Sealand still made small notations on his hands and arms since he didn't own a cellphone and could not set reminders for himself. Written on his arm was a short message: "Ask about midnight movie."

_That's right! I forgot to ask if I could stay up late tonight to watch a movie on the telly!_ Sealand threw off his covers and put his feet on the floor.

_Even if I'm not old enough to stay up every night, I should totally be able to do it just for tonight!_ He thought as he made his way down the hall. The door to the room that Sweden and Finland shared was closed, but Sealand could see a dim light coming under the door. He heard their bed creaking, so he knew that his parents were awake. Hanatamago, their puppy, looked up sleepily at the young boy from her spot beside the door. He reached down to pet her before she lowered her head again to sleep.

Sealand opened the door to his parents' room a crack so he could poke his head in. "Hey Mum, Papa, can I stay up to watch-"

"Peter!" Finland yelped from underneath Sweden. A flustered Sweden- a rare sight indeed, flung himself off of his wife and to his side at once.

Sealand's eyes were wide. "What…"

"I- we were just…" Finland was at a loss for words.

"C-can I watch _House on Haunted Hill_ tonight? It's on rather late, but-"

Finland gripped the bed sheets nervously. "Yes, absolutely! Go ahead, dear!" He sputtered.

"Yay! C'mon Hana!" Sealand left his parents' room, running down the hallway with the small, fluffy Hanatamago following him and yipping excitedly.

Finland put his head in his hands. "Berwald! He saw us doing it! What are we going to tell him? We have to tell him about the birds and the bees now! He's so young! We might have scarred him, or…"

Sweden let Finland babble for a while before speaking. "Ev'ry parent h's to explain t' their child event'lly." He straightened his pajamas and handed Finland his own.

"Still doesn't make it any easier…" Finland took them and sighed. "He's our first, and still so young! I don't know what to say…" He slipped into his pajamas.

"M'ybe we c'n ask some'ne for help?" Sweden suggested, turning out the nightstand lamp and covered Finland and himself with their bedsheets. Clearly sex was off the table for the night.

"Yeah! Perhaps someone can help us with this, someone who knows about explaining this type of thing!" Finland smiled. "We're going to the Nordic house tomorrow- maybe one of them can help out."

"Good." Sweden wrapped an arm around his wife and pulled him close. "We c'n talk it ov'r with them in th' mornin'."

Finland snuggled into his husband's embrace, tucking his head under his chin. "Yeah, this will work out…" Calmed down by Sweden, he began to drift off to sleep.

A few minutes later, Sweden's words pierced though his dreamy state. "He's going to get nightmares from th' movie, y' know."

-(^.^)- -(^.^)- -(^.^)-

"We need help, guys!" Finland cried. "It's Sealand!"

Iceland looked through the sliding glass doors that led to the backyard. Sealand was outside playing with Latvia. They held their robot toys up at arm's length, running around the yard as if the figures could fly. "He seems fine to me."

Estonia, who had driven the small family and Latvia to the Nordic household, sipped his coffee before speaking. "Yes, well, there's still a topic to be discussed." Finland, his longtime friend, filled him in on the phone earlier that morning.

Finland sunk into his chair and sighed. Sweden, sitting on the arm of his wife's chair, put his hand on his shoulder. "We need to discuss with him the birds and the bees now because… he walked in on Berwald and me." The smaller blonde man blushed.

From his spot between Iceland and Norway on the couch, Denmark laughed. "Is that all?"

Finland huffed. "It's not funny, Mat! It can be a very scarring experience for a child."

"Finny, look at him- does he really look scarred to you?" Denmark smiled. He had a fondness for his little "nephew".

Norway finally spoke. "I've read that it's usually the parents that make a big fuss about it. Has he spoken of the night since it happened?"

"Well, no," Finland says. "But we still want to say something- explain some things, before he gets the wrong ideas. So we came here for your help-"

"Well, you came to the right place-" Denmark began, grinning ear to ear.

"-to find someone who can help us." Finland finished.

"Hey!" Denmark cried, offended. "You guys have me! I can explain everything to him!"

"What? So he can learn how to be a narcissist in bed?" Norway said, the corners of his lips twitching almost to form a smile when the Dane was stunned into silence.

"Why don't you guys get England to speak with him?" Iceland fed his puffin a small nugget. "He is the boy's biological father, after all."

"Yes, but he's rather unstable about these things," Norway said, "one minute he implies he's a saint, the next he's in bed with France, or America, if he's drunk."

Finland's cheeks reddened slightly. "Um… Now what about Italy? He can kind of relate to Sealand." He tilted his head in thought.

"Are you kidding?" Denmark finally spoke again, his cheeks still a little pink. "The boy is totally innocent, despite having so much contact with so many perverts in his life! And although he's a flirt when it comes to women, I doubt he knows what to do with them, or a person of any gender, really."

"His brother, then?" Norway suggested. "Romano is older and quite possibly more experienced, and may be more stable since he stayed put with Spain for so many years."

"Yes, but he also has quite the colorful vocabulary as well," Finland said, a sweat drop appearing on his cheek. "No need for Sealand to take it up."

"How about Japan?" Estonia offered. "He seems to have a good head on his shoulders, and he's pretty good at keeping things clean."

"T' clean," Sweden spoke at last, "he is much t' reserved."

"But doesn't he watch anime porn or something?" Denmark pointed out. Finland's eyes widened and Sweden coughed into his fist. The Dane snickered until Norway swatted him with a newspaper that was lying on the coffee table.

"How about France?" Denmark offered.

All six nations thought about this. They imagined France sitting Sealand down, telling him about his one-night stands, love for nudity and his casual flirtation with every other nation to date. "_Absolutely not_," all of them said in unison.

"Wait!" Finland grinned and looked up at Sweden. "What about Germany?"

-(^.^)- -(^.^)- -(^.^)-

"You guys want me to speak with Sealand about sex?" Germany looked up from his stopwatch to glance at Finland and Sweden.

"Well, it's just that we don't know how to address it with him, and we thought you might have had experience with explaining it, since you're often spending time with Italy and Japan."

The men stood in the center field of Germany's track, which Prussia had built for him behind his home in order to train with his brother. Nowadays, when his older brother was busy fighting or out on a date with Canada, Germany used the track to train with Japan and Italy. The Nordic couple left Sealand in the house with Prussia while he was making wurst for lunch.

Germany grunted. "Italy, pick up the pace!" He shouted across the track at the Italian man, who was slowly jogging around the track with a smile on his face. He sighed. "Look, I have had a scattering of talks with Italy about sex, and a few about western nudity with Japan, but it's nothing zhat can be perfected." He scratched the back of his neck. "What's important is zhat it comes from his parents, not some random person or countr- ITALY, START RUNNING AND STOP PLAYING WITH ZHAT BUTTERFLY OR YOUR PASTA IS GETTING THROWN OUT!" Italy froze before quickly running off the track in the direction of the German's house. He covered his face with his hand. "Oh mein gott, what am I going to do with him…"

"So we sh'ld speak with him ourselves? " Sweden asked.

Germany removed his hand and looked at them. "Yeah, basically. It'll be more meaningful coming from you two."

-(^.^)- -(^.^)- -(^.^)-

Back at the Oxernstierna-Väinämöinen home, Sweden watched as an anxious Finland was pacing in the hallway, pepping himself up for "the talk".

"Okay, let's do this!" Finland smiled, confidence apparent in his expression.

"Ya, alright," Sweden said, following his wife to Sealand's door at the end of the hall.

"Hello, Peter!" Finland opened their son's door so he could see them both standing in the doorway. "Your papa and I wanted to speak with you about something."

"Okay," Sealand looked expectantly at his parents as they came in. Sweden picked him up and sat him on his bed, the men then sat down on either side of him.

"How was the movie last night?" Finland asked, trying to initiate conversation.

"It was spectacular!" Sealand's eyes shinned. "I wasn't scared at all!"

"I see." Sweden said, the doubt in his words only apparent to Finland.

The three of them sat in silence for a moment before Finland cleared his throat. "So, you're probably wondering about earlier that night when you came to see us- wondering what that was, right?" Finland smiled, his nervousness starting to show a bit.

"Earlier that night?" Sealand asked.

"Ya, when y' came into our room," Sweden said.

"Oh, that…" Sealand trailed off. "What was going on?"

"Well, um… when a man and a wo-" Sweden's look made Finland close his mouth and rephrase the time-old phrase used to explain. "When two people love each other- adults, really, then those two people can mutually agree to have something called 'sex'."

"That's when two people kiss and wrestle each other on a bed with their 'things' out?" Sealand looked up at his papa. Pink began to dust Finland's cheeks.

"S'mething like that," the tall blonde said. "Oth'r things t', but mechanics c'n be discussed when you're older."

"So… you guys were having sex?" Sealand asked.

"Yes."

Sealand shrugs. "Okay."

Finland's eyes widened. "Really? Just 'okay'? Do you have any questions?"

"Nope!" He smiles. "Can I go play now?"

"Um, sure, go ahead," Finland said, somewhat amused. Their son jumped off of his bed and left his room. He sighed and turned to his husband. "Well, that wasn't so bad!"

"Mm," Sweden agreed. He took Finland's hand and squeezed it, giving him a small smile.

Suddenly, Sealand came back into his room and stood in front of his parents. He looked slightly bashful. "What is it, Peter?" Finland asked.

"I actually did have one question." Sealand looked up at both of his parents with confusion. "Is it normal for guys like Mr. Germany to have so many magazines with naked women in their room?"

Silence fell on the room. Sweden swept out of his son's room, most likely in the direction of the nearest phone. "Berwald, wait!" Finland quickly got up to leave, giving Sealand a quick kiss on the top of his head. "I'm glad we had this discussion. Know you can tell us anything!" He rushed out of the room. "Berwald!"

(-^.^)- Bonus! -(^.^-)

"What? They were inquiring who should speak to their son about _amour_? Why didn't they consider me?" France pouted.

Denmark sat back in his chair, sipping his beer. Another world meeting had ended, and only a few hung back in the lounge and adjoining kitchen area, where China was currently making lunch. A couple of weeks had passed since Sweden and Finland's "situation" with Sealand. Naturally, the Dane could not resist telling the story to anyone who would hear him, so long as Sweden and Norway were out of earshot. "They actually did," Denmark smirked, "and then they regained their senses."

"But of course they could have come to me! I know everything about love, the birds and the bees!" France twirled around with a smile on his face, soon replaced with confusion. "So why did they not ask me? I've explained it time and time again, even to young Italy when he asked me!"

"Because, Frog," England glared at him, "they didn't want their kid hearing from a sex-crazed pervert who has taken everyone we know to bed at least once!"

China grunted from his place at the stove. "Twice."

Spain coughed and raised a hand slightly. "Thrice."

Romano, who was sitting next to his Spanish boyfriend, glared at France. "Lean Cuisine Bastard, what the hell?"

* * *

**A/N: Aaaand done! I hope the accented speech for Sweden and Germany didn't throw you guys off too much. It was actually butchered a lot more before I edited it out, and their accents aren't really that bad in real life (aka the anime), so bear with me please! :) Sealand also might have been slightly OOC in here as well, but.. ya know :D Anywho, thanks for reading! Comments are welcome!**

**Peace, love, cookies & milk,**

**~Anaghia-san~**


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